


Gas Run

by ZikkaFriday



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Pizza
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-04-12 11:35:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19131220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZikkaFriday/pseuds/ZikkaFriday
Summary: It was a simple favor for Charlie...go get gas for the car, and get yourselves a free pizza. What's the worst that would happen? Well, Angel, Husk, Niffty and Alastor are about to find out EXACTLY what...All elements of Hazbin Hotel belong to Vivienne Medrano





	1. Boredrom's Chaos

Part 1: Boredrom’s Chaos

(It’s a ‘typical” day at the Hazbin Hotel...and by “typical,’ it’s BORING. With no guests checking in, and all chores/house work completed, there’s usually TWO OR THREE THINGS that can happen in the hotel...either something Destructive, something Creative...or, usually, BOTH. Speaking of, at the bar, a winged Cat in a top hat is busying himself cleaning glasses while simultaneously drinking beer straight from the bottle AND playing solitaire; blissfully unaware of the creeping, grinning shadow above his head, quietly giggling, holding something above the cat’s head, ready to throw it down when-!)

??: ANGEL DUST!!!!

Angel: WAGH!!!! 

(on cue the white-pink-striped spider loses balance and falls forward, the bucket slipping from his hands, pnk paint spilling all over the carpet-!!! On cue a girl in white with a ribbon in her hair dashes forward, looking pissed!)

Vaggie; ANGEL WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU DOING!?

Angel: Ugh, DAMIT Vag that f*cking HURT!!

Vaggie; serves you DAMN RIGHT!!! Were you SERIOUSLY gonna pull a KINDERGARTEN LEVEL PRANK?!

(Husk just watches, drinking)

Angel: Aw c’mon you an Charlie told me to “reel it in!”

Vaggie; LIKE GIVING UP THIS SH*T COMPLETELY!

Angel; Where’s th’ fun in that!?

Vaggie; My F*CKING GAWD ANGEL, DON’T YOU EVER THINK OF ANYONE OTHER THAN YOURSELF?!

(Suddenly a pale, blonde haired girl in a business suit rushes in!)

Charlie; is everything alright?!

Vaggie; NO IT’S NOT!!! 

Angel; It WAS until VAGGIE RUINED IT!

Charlie; ruined what-? (sees the bucket) oh no, Angel, NO! That’s not nice!

Angel: ...it’ woulda' washed out!! What’s the big deal!?

Charlie; Angel, it’s still not nice! And Husk wouldn’t have found it funny! Would you have found it funny if they spilled orange paint on you!?

Angel; I woulda’ made it work!

Vaggie; ANGEL, it isn’t always about you-HUSK!! No drinking when on bar duty!!!

Husk: …… (keeps drinking….until Vaggie swipes the bottle away) HEY!!!

Charlie; I’m sorry husk, Angel, but Vaggie’s right. Look..I know you two are trying to do your best to be better, you really are-

Vaggie; (under her breath) no they aren’t….

Charlie; -but perhaps if you don’t want to be cooped up here, why don’t I make you a deal?

Angel; mmm? A Deal?

Charlie; Mhm!! Vaggie and I have alot of work to do while the hotel isn’t busy, but we also need to get gas for the Hotel’s car. Here! (hands Angle a HUGE wad of cash) Why don’t you two take Alastor and Niffty with you, fill up the tank and get yourselves some pizza at that Pizza-Fueled-Wheelz gas station?

Angel: …..Free food for a gas run? That’s it-?

Charlie; Pleeeaaaassse? It would be a good deed! For meee? (makes puppy yes)

Angel; EEUUUUGGH OK OK OKAY ALREADY WE’LL DOIT JUS’ STOP MAKIN’ THAT FACE!

Charlie; THANK YOU! (she giggles, hugging Angel before happily walks off with Charlie)

Angel: … (sighs) how has that poor, loves-everybody kid not gettin’ whacked by now..?

Husk: ...welp, I’m goin’ back to-

Angel; OoOoOH NO Y’DON’T KITTEN! (grabs him close) y’heard th’ princess, I’M not goin’....WE’RE GOIN’!

Husk: Haven’t you forgotten something? She also said to bring niffty and al, get one of those two idiots to be your date.

Alastor: Oh but why ruin a good orgy!

Husk: what?

Niffty: I WANNA COME!! (leaps on Husk's back!)

Husk: OOF!!!

Angel: I like where this is going...

Alastor: ALL ABOARD!


	2. Old Faces, New Setups

(Short time after, a limo is driving down a red paved highway, Angel riding shotgun while Husk drives. Through the partisan window, two more demons are in the seat right by the window...a red dressed human demon with deer antlers and a cyclops demon girl in a 50’s poodle skirt dress)

Niffty: (through the window) Are we there yet? 

Husk: No.

Niffty: ….Are we there NOW?

Husk: NO. Just...wait.

Niffty: ...We’re closer now right?

Husk: (twitches)

Alastor; I’m sure we’ll know that we’re there once the car has come to a complete stop my dear-

Angel: .. (without an warning raises his leg and reaches it over Husk’s lap, SLAMMING on the break!!!)

Husk/Alastor/Niffty: !?!?!??

Angel; Oh lookit, we’re here! (gestures a toxic waste factory)

Niffty: YAYY!!!!! (Goes to leap out of the car, but Alastor grabs her, stopping her!) 

Alastor; NOT QUITE my dear..seems to be one of Angel’s UNSAVORY pranks…

Husk: (Growling as he starts driving, shoving Angel’s leg away) More like PSYCHOTIC and f*cking RECKLESS

Angel: I take that as a COMPLIMENT thank yeh’ very MUCH!

Husk: it’s gonna get you SCREWED one of these days-

Angel; Does all the time baby (caresses Husk’s chin)  
Husk: you got FIVE SECONDS to remove yer f*ckin’ hand before I bite it off-

Angle; WHICH ONE? (is caressing Husk with ALL his hands!)

Husk: ALL OF EM!!! OFF BEFORE I TURN EM’ INTO STUBS!

Alastor; Careful Angel, someday you might find that reckless behavior regrettable...LIKE YOU WILL TODAY…

Angel; (As he removes his hands from Husk) Aw hell no, you ARE NOT hittin’ me with that karma foreshadowing sh*t are yeh? 

Alastor; Why else would I come along if it weren’t for something DREADFULLY EXCITING and DANGEROUSLY DRAMATIC happening? 

Niffty: the free food?

Alastor: I suppose that is a plus...speaking off which, do you suppose this pizzeria caters to ALL manner of MEAT EATERS?

Husk; what you mean, like, Pepperoni, Sausage and Bacon, or more like that meatball or hamburger new stuff?

Alastor; I mean more...EXOTIC. Deer...Alligator....CAT?

(Husk looks clearly repulsed, and Angel shoots a grossed out, somewhat worried look at him…)

Niffty: ….I’ve never had Alligator before!

Alastor; perhaps you’ll have a chance! Isn’t that the gas station up ahead?

Husk: yup. Alright Everybody OUT. I’ll fill her up

Angel; I’ll pay an’ get us some lotto tickets...and condoms (winks)

Husk: You mean you’ll get YOU some condoms.

Angel; Nope, you too

Husk: No thanks

Angel; you’ll change your mind one of these days baby

Husk: NEVER-

Niffty: can I have Husk’s condoms?

Angel: ...excuse me?

Niffty: so I don’t have to get balloons!

Angel: (blinks) er...what you even use em’ for?

Alastor; indeed I’ve never seen you use balloons when planning parties?

Nifffty: I need it to help my boyfriend with something (looks around slyly around, giggling)

Husk: ...CAN YEH ALL GIT OUT SO I CAN FILL UP AND DAMN CAR? I need a drink…

Alastor; We’ll order you a beer up front for when your done old chap!

Husk: thanks…

(As Husk fills up the car, and Angel, Alastor and Niffty head into the station. Inside, the left is the gas station store where, at the gas station counter, is an oily, black slime demon with a name tag reading “Petrol E.M.” On the other side is a small pizzeria restaurant, where at THAT counter, pounding some dough on a hook like it’s a piece of meat, is a muscular, overweight boar demon chef, the name off his shirt, despite being partially blotched out with pizza sauce seems to read “Boar-” something?. Angel approaches the gas station store counter, grabbing a box of condoms en route, while Alastor and Niffty stroll into the pizzeria restaurant.)

Petrol: ‘ello, which station you fillin’ up at- (looks up from his magazine) ..OH...it’s YOU

Angel; EYYYY PETRO!!! Long time no see! How you doin”?

Petrol: I WAS doing decent until I saw your mug...didn’t you do enough damage th’ LAST time you were here?

Angel; Ey’, I aint’ in that buiz no more, I’m in entertainment now!

Petrol: ..yeah I’ve seen (holds up his magazine, with Angel posing for a new sex film in an ad)

Angel: A www yer an admirer? How sweet!

Petrol: don’t get high n’ mighty NOW Angel….speakin’ of high, Wally is still lookin’ for yeh after that “incident’

Angel; oh, that right? He still sell around here?

Petrol: He frequents here OFTEN.

Angel; then I’ll say hi to him! (he pays and whisks his things to the pizzeria) Tank 3 by the way! Keep the change licorice-lube! (winks, sauntering off)

Petrol: ...I f*cking’ hate you.

(Angel joins Niffty and Alastor just as Husk trudges in and joins them as well)

Angel; what looks good?

Alastor; unfortunately they don’t have pizza flavors suiting my particular palette, though I may try the meat lover’s anyway

Angel; can never get enough meat in yer diet (winks, blowing a kiss)

Husk: ...is there not ONE SECOND you can’t make an innuendo?

Angel: is there not one second YOU can go without bein’ a f*ckin’ downer?

Niffty: can I get a meat lover too? 

Angel; ….PPPFFTFTT AHAHAHHAHAAHAAAHHHHAAAAAAAA OH NIFF, You have NO IDEA how wrong that sounded!

Niffty: ...h-huh? I...can’t have any!? (whimpers, looking like she’s going to tear up)

Alastor; He simply has his head in the gutter Niffty, we can all share a meat lover’s pizza

Husk: I just want a- (Alastor makes a beer appear in front of him) thanks…

(“Boar” trudges over form behind the counter to their table)

“Boar”: Hey, whatchu’ freaks orderin’?

Angel; (sniffs the air and cringes) YYEEEK!! Maybe a SHOWER fer you first?! Geez, ain’t yeh ever heard of hygiene in the kitchen?!

“Boar”: I’ll ignore that f*ckin’ cheap shot ...you gonna order or what?

Alastor; One triple large meat lover’s pizza please! Does that include any ANIMAL MEATS?

“Boar”: Just the usual pepperoni, sausage, bacon, hamburg’ an’ meatball.

Alastor: Well! If that’s what you have to offer, that’s what we’ll take!

(“Boar” takes their order and heads back to make it. As they continue bickering about nonsense, the door jingles, marking another entering...more specifically, a wallabee demon in an outback hat with a vulture feather sticking out of it. Angel sees him and his eyes widen)

Angel; ..holy sh*t...WALLY!??!

(Wally perks up and looks their direction...and grins!)

Wally: Holy sh*t Angel?! Izzat YOU yeh cross-dressin’ Sheila?!

Angel; In the flesh baby! (rises, LEAPING up to Wally, who catches him in a bro hug!) OOF! Heyyyyy y’aint’ bought me dinner first! 

Wally: f*ckin’ crikey it IS you, I thought yeh’d bitten th’ dust after that whole shakedown went f*ckin’ south!

Angel; Oooh Wally, Wally-Wally-WALLY, don’t yeh know that I can NEVER be caught in my own web?

Wally; Heh. true that y’two faced- (sees the others) Oi, hullo mates! Didn’t see y’got yerself a new gang Angie!

Angel: heh, Nooooo NonO No NOOO Wally, these are my housemates! Jus’ runnin’ a lil’ errand fer th’ landlord, and gettin’ a free meal outta it!

Wally: no kiddin’! Yer lucky Angie, though uh, I gotta say, y’coulda’ jus’ contacted meh if yeh wanted a free deal...or a whiff, if yeh know what I mean?

Angel; Yeh still sellin’?

Wally: Not JUST sellin’...I run the WHOLE OPERATION.

Husk: what yer a Drug Lord or some sh*t?

Wally: Lil’ over-glorified title there mate, but yeh. In fact, if yeh wanna relive some of the good ol’ times of our old labor’s rewards my operation is out back.

Angel; No sh*t?! For reals, y’got yer own hideout?!

Wally: more than that baby, You an’ yer friend’s wanna see where it’s all done?

Angel; ..HELL. TO. THE. YES. PLEASE!

Wally: Bonza mate!

Alastor; indeed, I was right to come along! This night is getting more and more exciting! Things couldn’t get any better!

(At that moment, “Boar” trudges out with a ENORMOUS pizza dripping with cheese and every meat topping you can think of! ..Humanely of course.)

“Boar”: Extra triple large meat lover’s-oh, heey Wally, y’come to do business?

Wally: nah mate, just’ catching’ up with some old friends. Y’still needin’ that delivery-?

“Boar” Nah, not tonight, tomorrow maybe. I’m all set tonight.

Husk: Ominous-?

“Boar”: NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS RAT

Wally; reel it in Boar, I got some buissness to take care of, I’ll take care of yur’s tomorrow. (To Angel and co.) Ready to head on out mates?

Husk: ..right now?

Niffty: but what about dinner?

Alastor; I for one am curious to see this establishment, but if the two of you want to stay and eat, I’m sure the two of us won’t be long!

Angel: And if we are, don’t wait up! (grabs three slices, wolfing one down, handing onee each to Alastor and Wally) so what’r we waitin’ for? Show us what yer packin’ big guy!

Wally: (chuckles) it’s good to see yeh Angie, let’s get crackin’ (takes a bite of is pizza as Angel and Alastor follow him out)

Angel; hehee, crackin’ DAMN I missed this guy!

Alastor; (under his breath) FOR NOW…


	3. Past Reputations Die Hard

(The crimson afternoon sky slowly fades to purple evening as Alastor and Angel follow Wally down a path deeper, and deeper and DEEPER into the woods..)

Angel; Damn y’sure must git alotta exercise hiking these trails…

Wally: nah, this is more recreation, I git my workout runnin’ from the Boys in Blue...or should I say the boys with wings…

Angel; Yeh, no sh*t. 

Alastor; Indeed, a morbid but productive way of getting your exercise and staying alive longer!

Wally: Welp, here it is…!

(he suddenly takes them off the path and through some trees marked with pink flowers…)

Angel; ..whoa whoa wait...are those opium flowers!?

Wally: yup...got a whole Opium operation..right HERE 

(They emerge in a clearing, which reveals an abandoned firewatch tower modified into some kind of center of operations, some dingo demons patrolling the area, including a small garage for vehicles)

Angel: ...Damn, small but convenient!

Wally; yeah, gotta be, git it TOO big an’ th’ competition would bee on our asses in seconds...but nevermind that, y’boys wanna sample some merch?

Angel; YES YES YES YES!!

Alastor: I’m not one to consume drugs, but I am always willing to be educated on the subject of criminal products

Wally; This way to my OFFICE fer’ a whiff!

Angel; YOUGOTANOFFICE!?

(Wally grins, leading them up the stairs of the fire watch tower...and inside is something of a mobster’s office, various weapons on the walls and boxes scattered everywhere of product. Angel squeals like a fangirl in delight, Alastor looking around curiously)

Alastor; doesn’t seem very organized

Wally; keeps the boys from snoopin’ where their snouts don’t belong. Room ain’t that big either, but the view is to DIE FOR (he opens the raggedy window blinds...revealing, over the trees, a HUGE Plantation of opium plants. Angel’s jaw drops and Alastor’s eyes widen)

Alastor; my MY, you indeed have the BIGGEST operation going on!

Wally: damn crackin’ mate, Opium is rare, ESPECIALLY down here, but we’ve got just the right conditions to mine the ONLY opium drug ring in hell. An’ you believe me when I say demand is HIGH. 

Angel: ..holy SH*T you’ve made it BIG!

Wally: damn right, and you can be apart of it too

Angel; ...as a client?

Wally; as a PARTNER. Y’see...m boys screwed up recently, and while I took care off THEIR sorry asses, I need some help cleanin’ up the pieces they left behind.

Angel: Y’want someone to off em’?

WallY; took care of That lil’ loose end...but I need help Y’see...damn yobbos thought they could outdrive our rivals in a race, an’ got our only means of transportation totalled

Alastor; Oh dear, not good for business I assume?

Wally; hell no, we’re backed up on deliveries and payments….

Angel: yeh need help car shoppin’?

Wally no, but here’s the deal...I’ve seen yer ride, the one at tank #3….it’s a sweet little number, much like you

Angel; (blushing) d’awww shucks Wally, y’dont’ gotta flirt with me! But uh, if yer wantin’ to borrow it I-

Wally; No not borrow, I wanna buy it off you

Angel: ...EH!?

Alastor: oh my, the plot thickens…

Wally; I can pay yeh, cash, drugs, anythin’ yeh want! You’ll be a permanent member of the operation, we’ll give yeeh a nice cut too! 

Angel; ..oh f*ck, er, that’s sweet an’ all Wally but-

Alastor; -But the car ISn’T his, it’s-

Angel; AL SHUT IT!

Alastor; you're in enough trouble for the prank this afternoon Angel, you should be more honest to keep out of trouble...plus I think you’d caused Wally enough trouble in..whatever happened in the past?

Angel; heey, that wasn’t his or my fault I’m just-

Wally: ANGEL. Forget this grinnin’ wanker! I’m doin’ business with YOU!! Yeh do business with me mate, an’ we’ll buy yer landlord TEN new cars...hell we’d get you a nicer joint! It’d be just like the old times but BETTER!

Angel; but I ain’t….er...I… (he squirms nervously as Wally rises, beginning to back Angel into a wall)

Wally: But WHAT!? What could be holdin’ Angel Dust, th’ HOTTEST bad@$$ in all of hell, from risin’ further to the top of the Sinner’s Circle?!

Angel: ..c-cause-

Alastor; Angel, perhaps you should tell the truth-

Wally STAY OUTTA THIS YEH-

Angel; CAUSEI’MGOIN’CLEANOK!??

Wally: ….yeh’ WHAT?

Angle; I- (takes a shaky breath) I..I ain’t doin’ it no more...I can’t do any of this sh*t anymore...I’m livin’ at the Hazbin Hotel….I’m apart of the’ princess’s rehab program...I’m tryin’ to do better..fer myself...fer THEM (gestures Alastor) I’m sorry y’lost yer ride...but I can’t do that sh*t to Charlie..not after she’s given’ me chance after chance after chance. I’m sorry Wally...but I can’t give yeh her ride.

(Wally stares down at Angel blankly...almost as if he’s processing all this information...then..)

Wally: ….y’think y’have a choice mate?

Angel; ...eh?

Wally; I said...Yeh SERIOUSLY THINK (grabs Angel’s jacket, lifting him up close) Yeh had a true blue CHOICE?

Angel; ERK-!?

WallY’ Y’OWE meh, remember? After the stunt y’pulled that nearly cost me everythin’? I woulda been here, lordin’ over my own drug op’ a CENTURY ago if yeh hadn’t set me up to fail. I had ta’ CRAWL my way outta the hole y’left me in to build back up what y’made me LOSE. Y’REALLY think I’m just gonna let yeh GO? Yeh REALLY THINK now that I got the hottest, sexiest, most resourcefully POWERFUL demon I knew in my grasp that I’m gonna letcha GO without you payin’ me BACK? (pins Angel to the wall, pulling out a knife) either yeh gimme yer ride...OR I”LL MAKE YOU MY RIDE!! OUTTA YER SKIN!!

Angel: GLK!!! I-I HAD-TO-I D-D-DIDN’T HAVE -A CHOI-GCK!!

Wally: (tightening his grip) F*CK YOU!!!! YER GUNNA WISH Y’WERE NEVER DAMNED TO-F*CK!!! (He suddenly arches as a black, red-eye covered tendril strikes him in the back, causing him to drop Angel!!)

Alastor; While this show has been FUN! I say it’s high time we take our leave!! (a tendril grabs Angel and flings him to his feet as he and Alastor race out-!)

Wally: OI! GIT BACK HERE!! BOYS!! WE GOT RUNNERS!! MOW EM’ DOWN!!!

(The dingos begin shooting at Angel and Alastor, who immediately jump off the stairs into the forest-!!)

Angel; SH*T SH*T SH*T-!!!!

Alastor; I was quite right...this IS fun!

Angel: Y’CAN GLOAT OVER IT WHEN WE GIT BACK TO THE STATION Y’SICK @$$HOLE!!


	4. Bad Service

(Niffty and Hus are still chowing down on pizza and drinking beer/soda pop, waiting for Angel to return.) 

Niffty: ...Husky, I’m worried! Angel and Alastor have been gone soooo long! Their pizza’s getting cold!

Husk: they had some before they left. Besides, Angel’s probably gettin’ high and Alastor’s recording it to blackmail him for Vaggie and Charlie to guilt trip him later…

(“Boar” comes out of the back, wiping what looks like pizza sauce off his hands with a rag)

“Boar”: Oi, y’two done eatin’?

Niffty: ..I’m getting full…

Husk: yeah...can we take the rst off this to go.

“Boar”; yeh yeh, I’ll getcha a to go box soon as yeh pay up for the meal

Husk: yeah sure we-* (his eyes widen as he has an “oh sh*t’ moment) ….F*CK

Niffty: Husk, that’s a naughty!

“Boar” : yeh, whatchu “F*ck” in’ about?

Husk: ..sorry pal, our buddy has the money and he’s probably getting high somewhere…

“Boar”: whatchu sayin’? You Can’t PAY?

Niffty: maybe we can find him and bring him back!

“Boar” : Oh NO, I don’t think so lil’ missy, I see what the two of you are doin’. Y’thought y’can DINE AN DASH ON OL’ BOARNOKE?

Niffty: Oh no!! But we-

Boar; YOU CAN’T PAY, Y’CLEAN!! GET INTO THE KITCHEN!!!

Husk: Hey, RELAX. Our friend has the money! We’ll just wait til’ he gets back-

Boar; I AIn’T WAITIN’ AROUND AN’ NIETHER ARE YOU!! NOT WITHOUT DOIN’ SOME HARD LABOR!! ASSES. KITCHEN. NOW! (he lifts them up, carrying them into the kitchen!)

Niffty: OH!

Husk: HEY!! GET YOUR FILTHY GREASY HANDS OFF US YOU-OOF!

(They are quite unceremoniously thrown into the kitchen, Boarnoke following, shutting the door and pocketing the key)

Boarnoke; YOU, CAT, WASH THOSE DISHES. I’ll dry em an’ put em’ away later. YOU lil’ lady can mop. I’ll come get yeh in an hour, I gots to organize some sh*t (goes into the pantry and slams the door behind him)

Niffty: ...But he didn’t say where the mop was!

Husk: ….We’re not doing sh*t Niffty, we already get paid to do this sort of labor at home. While this technically is all Angel’s fault, we aint’ lettin’ this fat lard tub boss us around (kicks on the door) HEY!!! OPEN UP!!!!! (the pantry door screeks open...and no one is inside) ..What the sh*t?

Niffty: (gasps) WHERE DID HE GO!?!? ….Did he sneak out a window?!

Husk: Niffty...even if there WERE windows, I doubt he’d fit in them…

Niffty: ..what about that hidden door?

Husk; what hidden door-? (he sees the door peeking out from behind what looks to be a rack off meat. They shove it aside and go in...entering a downstairs basement…) ...Niffty...stay close. I don't’ like sh*t like this

Niffty: ...Husk...it smells bad down here.like that chef man bad…

(they see a room at the end of the hall..and see Boarnoke, back to them, chopping up something...and then they see the silhouettes of decapitated limbs all around on hooks..)

Husk: ...oh hell no…noNoNO...Why the f*ck couldn’t Alastor have stayed at least HE could handle this sh*t-!

Niffty: ….HUSK...I-I DON’T LIKE THIS..I WANNA GO HOME!

Husk: SHH!!!

Boarnoke; !!! WhO’S THERE?! (He looks over his shoulder) ...OH….I see how it is now..y’didn’t wanna dine n’ dash..y’jsut wanted to find out about mah SECRET MENU...welp, on’ worry, I ain’t mad..I’m just HUNGRY TO PUT YOU ON MY MENU!!! (he turns around with a ROAR, covered in blood from the mouth to the apron on him!)

Husk: SH*T!! (he quickly throws playing cards at him, which slice into him!)

Boarnoke; AAARRRRGH!!!! YOU...YOU’RE GONNA BE COOKED ALIVE FOR THAT CAT MEAT-!

Niffty: LEAVE US ALONE!!! (she whips out her sewing needle, which grows into the size of a sword and she slashes at him!)

Boarnoke; ARGH!!! F*CK SH*T STOP, AH! YOU-FOR-THAT-ARE-ARGH! GONNA, GET-BAKED -INTO-A-CAKE!! (he grabs her and starts dragging her to an oven-!)

Niffty: EEEEK!! HEEEELP!!!! I DON’T WANNA BE A CAKE!!! (Flails and struggles in fear, on the verge of tears!)

Husk: SH*T NIFFTY!!!

(He grabs a nearby, GIANT pot as Boarnoke laughs, about to throw her into the fire when-!)

‘CLUNK!!’

(Boarnoke falls unconscious INSTANTLY after Husk flies up and drops the pot on his head, diving down to catch Niffty after!)

Niffty: !!! H0Husk he...he as g-gonna-!

Husk: It’ sok Niffty, I gotcha… (he grabs the keys from Boarnoke’s pocket) let’s get outta here…I don’t like the cruddy service.


	5. We're f*cked

(At the same time Husk and Niffty rush out of the Pizzeria, Angel and Alastor emerge from the woods nearby!

Husk: !! ANGEL YOU SUN-OF-A-B*TCH!!!

Angel; HUSK YOU-wait, why you mad?

Husk: IF YOU’D HADN’T BEEN GETTIN; HIGH OFF YER ASS YOU WOULDA’ BEEN ABLE TO PAY INSTEAD OF LEAVING SU TO NEARLY GET EATIN’ BY A CANNIBAL CHEF!

Angel; ..SAY WHAT!?!? 

Alastor: Oh MY!! Seems like I REALLY missed the fun here!

Niffty: ...hey, Husk? Angel doesn’t look high?

Angel; I AIN’T high, I’m F*CKIN’ SHOOK! Or whatever that means! I just got double crossed because I chose the f*ckin’ clean route!

Husk: YOU-* wait...you did?

Alastor; Indeed, Angel chose protecting the well-fair of the Princess and ourselves rather then his own desires for a change!

Niffty: OH MY GOSH This is WONDER-FABULOUS! We’re so proud of you Angie!

Angel; yeeahhhhh WALLY ain’t so much..he woulda’ skinned me an’ f*cked my corpse if Al hadn’t stepped in.

Husk: that aint’ nothin’ the pizzeria chef’s a f*cking cannibal who was gonna cook us alive because we weren’t able to pay-

Alastor; Everyone, as RIVETING as tonight’s VIOLENT and GOREY events have been, we’ve run into another dilemma.

Angel; aside from the drug dealer who’s after my ass?

Husk: aside from the cannibal chef we knocked out and will gouge out our eyeballs if we’re still around when he wakes up?

Niffty: aside that we didn’t get leftovers for Charlie and Vaggie!?

Husk: That’s the least of our problems now Niffty-

Alastor; AHEM, back to topic...WHERE IS OUR MEANS OF TRANSPORTATION?

(They look to the station where the limo was parked….and it’s NOT THERE)

Niffty: ...Oh dear-!!! Husk, did you leave the keys in the car!?

Husk: ...I thought ANGEl took the keys…?

Angel; I thought I left them with you?!

Alastor; IN THE CAR?

Angel; !!!!!!! F*CK!!! THOSE SONS-OF-BITCHES MUST”VE-! “Offer of a life time’ MY F*CKIN’ ASS!!

Alastor; indeed, seems he was quite SERIOUS when he said you didn’t have a choice….

Husk: where the f*ck would he have taken it?!!

Niffty: OH!! Maybe the gas station attendant can help us! He seemed nice!! (she skips inside to tell him!)

Angel; hold up...nun’ o this makes sense

Husk: seems pretty dry cut to me, our car got taken by some thugs who can’t take no for an answer, story of YOUR afterlife, right?

Angel; NO no No, I mean, Wally’s Operation looked so...small. He didn’t have that many thugs on his property, and there’s NO WAY he could’ve taken the ride without someone interfering or seeing...unless.. (his eyes go wide) OH SH*T!! NIFFTY COME BACK!! (he dashes inside, a confused and alarmed Alastor and Husk rushing after him, the trio entering just as Niffty’s finishing hyper explaining!)

Niffty: and-so-that-is-why-we-need-your-help-to-get-our-car-back-OH!-and-you-might-wanna-fire-that-chef-he’s-a-mean-bully!!!

Petro: Ugh, ok ok slow down..What the sh*t did you just say? Drugs? My chef? Car? What…?

Angel; NUTHIN’ NUTHIN’!! (as he and husk grab Niffty) she’s just jacked up on sugar-!!

Alastor; We just need help getting our ride back from the drug dealers in the back woods of your establishment before the cannibal chef in your basement wakes up to cook us!

(Angel and Husk give him “Are you f*cking kidding me?!” looks while Petro places his head in his hands, groaning)

Petro Ugh, this is too much…

Husk: ugh, yeah, tell me about it-

Petro: NO….You KNOW TOO MUCH (he suddenly pulls out a gun!)

Angel; SH*T HIT THE DECK!!! (they all duck down trying to get away!)

Niffty: (trying the door) WE’RE LOCKED IN!!! THAT’S NOT NICE AT ALL!

Petro I have a VERY comfortable operation with Wally Y’know?! His boys come in for business, get the cars gassed up, bring bodies of their competition for my cook so I can keep this f*cking pizzeria open without eating the customers….and YOU all had to come in and screw it up!!

Angel; WHOA WHOA WHOA PETRO BUDDY! We’re ain’t gonna RAT on yeh-!

Petro: IT’S TOO LATE FER THAT!! I Know YOU can’t keep yer mouth shut! That’s how WALLY got jailed in the f*ckin’ first place!! Do yeh know how LONG he was in purgatory for?! I aint’ goin’ there, not after the horror stories he told me!!

Husk: ….sorry Petro, but I think you’re gonna have to find out! (he throws his cards at him...they hit his gooey body with no effect….until they EXPLODE in a cloud of dust!)

Husk: RUNFORIT!!

(they all break the glass of the door, racing out of the gas station, hiding out back)

Niffty: NOW what do we do! We’re trapped out here with all these scary people!

Husk: well it isn’t like any of us can call for help, the bosses would have our asses on probationary house arrest for a MONTH.

Alastor; I know, isn’t it EXCITING! Though if I were these thuggish drug dealers, I’d be more worried about US!!

Angel: ...Al’s right… (adjusts his gloves) we aint’ playin’ these stupid games no more...we’re gettin’ our ride...and we’re goin’ home. But… (grins) not before getting some PAYBACK for the lousy customer service.


	6. Going out with a BANG!

(Angel, Alastor, Husk and Niffty make their way down to the Opium Drug hideout...hiding behind some trees, they can see the Druggie-Dingos are on high alert...and some of them are actually high!)

Husk: ..what’s wrong with them?

Angel: hmm let’s see..they look groggy, but twitchy...like they’re tired but trying to stay alert, or awake...looks like they’ve taken some Opium to take the edge off their job. Heh, big mistake. Shouldn’t be hard to sneak past them into the garage.

(they sneak through the trees to the garage side door, which is unguarded. Husk uses a playing card to slide open the door)

Angel; great we’re in-* WHat the FLYIN’ SH*T?!?

(inside they find not only their car and a clearly damaged but NOT totalled car, but TWO MORE vehicles in perfect driving condition!)

Alastor; my MY seems our DEAR FRIEND is a Greedy LIAR

Angel; NO SH*T!! “No means of transportation” MY F*CKIN’ ASS!!

Niffty: OooOoH lookit those two! They look so PRETTY!

Alastor: Hmmmm indeed...They would be worth adding to the collection!

Husk: but where are th’ keys to em?

 

Angel; Wally’s smart..he wouldn’t leave them in the garage for any crony or thief to take out anytime..they’d be in his office.

Alastor; Are you suggesting-?

Angel; YUP!! We’re gonna give good ol’ Wallabee ULTIMATE PAYBACK. He wants to steal OUR rides? We’re gonna take HIS rides. I’ll be back in a snap! Or two... Oh and Guys? DON’T FOLLOW ME. 

(before anyone can protest, Angel dashes out and rushes upstairs)

Husk; …. (pulls out the keys to their limo) let’s go.

Niffty: HUH!??

Husk: Angel keeps getting himself into these messes, he needs to get himself out fer once

Niffty: but what if something happens to him!?

Alastor; indeed, and that would be quite a conundrum to explain to Charlie! (shapeshifts into Charlie) “Husk where is Angel?! Is he ok!? Is he DEAD!? HOW COULD YOU!?”

Husk: ...really/ You’re giving me THAT guilt trip?

Alastor; (shapeshifting back) then here’s a BETTER scenario...if it were you running up those stairs, and Angel down here, (Shapeshifts into Angel) y’think I would probably do the same thing?

Husk: … (He looks in the direction Angel ran...then back to the limo…then to the trademark Hazbin Hotel car key in his hand...)

(Meanwhile Angel rifles through the boxes off Opium, looking for the keys and any dirt the absent drug dealer lord may have...then he discovers a box of papers)

Angel; ..damn...not organized my ass….he’s got receipts of every deal he’s made for the past century n’ a half-

‘CLICK’

Wally: (standing behind Angel, pointing something at his head) woulda’ been past THREE centuries of SOMEONE kept their mouth shut.

Angel; ...ugh, Wally...why don’t yeh ever keep yer toys in yer pants? 

WallY; WHY SHOULD I!? Better yet,why y’goin’ this far mate!? y’used to be so f*ckin’ smart...keepin’ yer trap shut, knowin’ when t’ back outta a bad time..TAKIN’ A GOOD DEAL WHEN IT WAS WORTH IT...when’d yeh get so blimin’’ STUPID?

Angel: ….Y’know I snuck in here to talk...didn’t yeh?

Wally; and WHY would you wanna talk to the demon y’got put away in purgatory for A CENTURY OF HIS F*CKING AFTERLIFE!?

Angle; BETTER THAT THAN A F*CKIN” MILLENIA!! AN” YOU DESERVED IT Y’F*CKIN B@STARD!!! Y’DIDN’T EVEN KILL THAT GUY OUTTA SELF DEFENSE! Y”KILLED HIM CAUSE HE SAID NO! JUST LIKE I AM NOW!!!

Wally: ….it’s called PRIORITIES y’wankin’ turd...when ONE says no..they ALL say no…

Angel; That ain’t always true, that’s just a f*ckin’ control freak’s excuse to be violent. So what’re YOU gonna do? KILL ME? GO AHEAD AN’ DO IT ASSHOLE!!

Wally: …NO…

Angel; Wha-? 

Wally: why would I kill yeh an’ put yeh outta yer misery that easily? No...y’OWE ME SHIELA…. (his angered expression turns dark and sadistic, reaching for Angel) 

Angel; ! Ooohh NnOnoNo NOPE, NOPE, HELL NO!! GET TH’ F*CK AWAY FROM ME D*CK-! (He grabs out his guns...but Wally is fast, AND bigger, grabbing him, pinning all four of his arms to his body and pinning him to the wall-!)

Wally: (Chuckling madly) Heh-HeheheEHHh...I’ve waited a LONG bloomin’ time fer THIS lil’ Shiela...after seein’ yer work? This is too perfect! I’mma make you SQUEAL like a f*ckin-!

‘BANG!!!!!!’

(Angel flinches...but doesn’t feel anything? He opens his eyes, seeing a familiar red wing in front of him, a bullet hole being healed by familiar eldritch magic!)

Angel; !!!! HUSK!? A-AL-!

Wally; EH!?? What’re you-!?

(Husk’s fist meets his face and knocks him backwards before he can do anything, knocking him out against the wall!)

Husk: C”MON ANGEL!! 

Alastor; We’ve outstayed our welcome!

(Angel looks at Wallys’ unconscious form...then snarls, spitting on him before they rush downstairs, leaping into the limo...with Niffty at the driver’s wheel!)

Husk: PUNCH IT-Wait, NIFFTY?!

(Niffty does so, shrieking and giggles as they drive out of the garage full speed through the trees!)

Angel; WHOA WHOA WAIT NIFFTY HOLD UP YER GONNA CRASH US!!

Niffty: WHEEEEEEEHEHEEHEHEHEEEEE!!!

(Angel manages to squeeze through the patron window and take the wheel..adn they crash out of the woods into the Opium field!)

All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!

(they manage to stop….just as Druggie Dingos begin approaching their car, guns drawn!!)

Husk: SH*T now what!?

Alastor; well, this is a grim turn of events

Niffty: Angel, what do we do?!

Angel: ..wipe this dump offa the face off the earth.

Niffty: huh!?

Angel; F*CK this dump (takes out a bomb, lighting it) F*CK these Dingos…

Husk: WHOA WHOA WAIT WHAT’RE YOU-!?

(he pops his head off of the sun roof-!)

Angle; F*CK YOU WALLY!!! (he throws the bomb….the Dingos scramble as the bomb goes off..INSTANTLY setting the field on fire-! Angle wastes NO time stepping on the gas and driving them out of there crashing into the trees and, seconds later, emerging back onto the highway and driving away form the quickly rising smoke…!)

Niffty: WHHEHEEEEE!

Alastor; Indeed, I was right...an exciting evening!

Angel: ….heeh...he-hee-hehehee-HHHEHEHEHEHEHAHHAAHAHAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!! (He cackles wildly as he drives them all away just as another explosion occurs behind them, cuing that the inferno reached the thrice damned gas station…

...........................................TRANSITION................................................................................

….Hours later, after explaining to Vaggie and Charlie what happened, Angel’s on the balcony, smoking a cigarette, pouting at his next week of being on car washing duty for nearly wrecking the vehicle, and now having to take it to another, more “reputable” gas station that was farther…)

Husk: (Flying up next to him) ..y’mind a smoking buddy?

Angel: ...need the company..not that it matters..you’re gonna be the fifth person tonight the f*cking’ lecture me.

Husk: ..actually...I think you were pretty good tonight.

Angel: ...EH?

Husk; I heard you and Wally... Y’actually wanted to try and talk some SENSE into his selfish ass.

Angel: ….was hopin’ I could….he an’ I had a good friendship, even without the drugs...but when he killed that kid...that POOR KID who didn’t want no trouble...it was too far. 

Husk: ..a KID demon? Really?

Angel; yeah...I may have done some f*cked up sh*t myself...but THAT...that was too far…

Husk: ..Charlie said the same thing

Angel; (Blinks, looking at him) y...you told her-?

Husk: thought it’d get some slack off yer punishment..and it did. Y’only have to wash the car once this week.

Angel; ..heh..thanks..

Husk: … (hands him a beer bottle) well, Alastor got one thing right

Angel; yeh? What’s that?

Husk: ..it wasn’t a boring evening

(they chuckle and clink their beer bottle, smoking while watching the purple sky glow red with a new day)

FIN.

**Author's Note:**

> All elements and characters of Hazbin Hotel belong to Vivienne Medrano. Boarnoke, Petrol E. and Wally B. belong to me, Zikka Friday.


End file.
